So your child finally got their first phone. Maybe it was for a birthday, for starting middle school, or to help with after-school logistics. No matter the reason, handing over a phone is a big parenting moment. But now that it’s in their hands, the real work begins.
This post is for parents who’ve already said yes, and are wondering what comes next.
This Is the Starting Point
Getting the phone means stepping into a new stage of parenting. One that involves coaching, conversations, boundaries, and patience.
Phones bring connection, creativity, and convenience. But they also bring distractions, risks, and adult-level content. Your guidance will help shape how your child navigates all of it.
Step 1: Set Clear Expectations In Writing
If you didn’t set rules before the phone arrived, don’t worry. It’s not too late.
Sit down together and talk through your expectations. Then write them down in a clear, age-appropriate way.
Start with questions like:
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When can phones be used? When should they be put away?
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What happens when a rule is broken?
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Are there specific apps, games, or contacts that require permission?
Need a starting point? Download our free Family Tech Agreement. It’s a therapist-created tool designed to help you start the right conversations, set shared expectations, and create room for your child to grow.
Step 2: Turn On Safety Settings Right Away
One of the most helpful things you can do right away is set up the phone with safety features that lower the risk of exposure to inappropriate content, strangers, and dangerous apps.
Here are a few essential steps to get started:
iPhones (Apple Family Sharing):
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Use Ask to Buy to approve app downloads
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Limit communication with Communication Safety
Android Devices:
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Filter websites and content in Google SafeSearch
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Restrict access to apps, purchases, and screen time
YouTube & Browsing:
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Turn on YouTube Restricted Mode and Age Restricted Content
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Use Bark or Canopy for more advanced filtering and monitoring
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Consider setting safe DNS options like CleanBrowsing
Take time to walk through each setting with your child so they understand why these tools are in place. Framing them as protective, not punitive, goes a long way in building trust.
Step 3: Make Digital Citizenship a Daily Topic
Phones don’t just bring tech. They bring in a new way of experiencing the world. That’s why you’ll want to keep the conversations going well beyond settings and filters.
Talk regularly about:
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How to treat others with kindness online
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What to do if they see something upsetting or inappropriate
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Why privacy matters and what should never be shared
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How to spot scams, AI-generated content, and fake messages
- How the content on their phone is making them feel
These can be quick check-ins. The point is to make your voice one of the ones they hear most often, even as they begin to explore the wider digital world.
Step 4: Revisit, Reassess, Adjust
Don’t forget that you can take a step back. Often parents see that the phone is creating problems, but they’re afraid it’s too late to change course. It’s not. You can always adjust.
Your rules and conversations should grow with your child. As they mature and technology evolves, your approach to tech needs to evolve too. Managing devices isn’t about setting rules once and never looking back, it’s about staying engaged.
Make time for regular check-ins. Are your current limits working? Is your child showing more responsibility with greater freedom? Are new apps or platforms introducing risks you hadn’t planned for? These conversations help your child feel heard, respected, and supported. And when kids feel included in the process, they’re more likely to follow the rules, sometimes even suggesting limits you hadn’t considered.
When you lead with structure and empathy, your child learns that trust is something they can build and earn over time.
Remember
Your child may be holding the phone, but you’re still in the driver’s seat. This transition is a big one. But with the right tools, clear expectations, and ongoing connection, you can help them build a healthy, balanced relationship with technology.
You’ve got this.